‘MET’. Stands for ‘Most Erotic Teens’. ‘ART’ means you won’t find any hotel room up skirts of down-on-their-luck-strippers here. They’re the 500th biggest website in the world (and everybody knows that if a website is in the top 1,500 it must be run by a crew of elite ninjas). They update their pics and movies between an average of three and seven times a day and have archives with stores too large to count. In short, no-one on the internet has been at it longer (since 1999) or does it better than these guys. It’s less than one paragraph in and I can already tell the only people who remain unimpressed are impotent. So, readers, instead of critiquing a perfect website I’m going to tell you a story about what I got up to in their members’ area. Consider this your lucky day…

There’s an old saying in this industry: show me a website that claims to have regular, live webcam shows and I’ll show you a bunch of pixelated lies. For whatever reason this is the promise I most frequently see broken by webmasters; some hire girls who can’t speak English, some edit pre-recorded footage and pretend but few actually deliver. So when I saw Met Art claim to have more than fourteen hours worth of shows every day I was understandably sceptical.

Logging into the service for a session with a blonde Russian University student named ‘Asha’ I found myself surrounded by a predictable assembly of mouth-breathing freaks. ‘Do you drink sports drinks b4 your show...or just Natural Juice?’ asked steve547xc as she gyrated suggestively in front of the camera. Asha stayed silent on the controversial issue and I was looking for signs of responsiveness and authenticity.

‘Do you read books?’ I asked, hoping to see if I could get a specific answer out of her. ‘Yes, of course, Pt (my username) how else could I acquire knowledge’ she replied into the microphone with English that was heavily accented but markedly better than any of her western fans’. I suddenly remembered why I loved my job and decided to take the service out for the test drive it so obviously needed.

‘Musical history especially’ she elaborated, citing an especial love for the work of the Polish composer Frédéric Chopin. Thinking myself the centre of an elaborate practical joke I asked her to hum a few bars and, to her eternal credit, she complied.

 

 

Whilst marvelling at the irony of being serenaded by a Moscow cam girl humming a polonaise, she started breaking into some traditional Russian songs to the unending curiosity of my fellow perverts.

 

 

Then she took all her clothes off and danced to pop hits on Russian radio. The last time I had service this good I had to max out my credit card under threat of pain from a Hungarian security guard. See for yourself, gents, you won’t get this kind of attention anywhere else.

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